Meditations on Power: I

Power.

It is a common word. We use it everyday in multiple contexts, allowing it to slip from our tongues with the incoherent babble most of us consider speech. In such a context, hardly receiving notice, it lies in the corner -- save for when it is bandied about as a substitute for electricity or political might only to be quickly discarded once more as one would drop an overly rotten piece of fruit.

In the realm of linguistic beauty, power drew the short stick. It lacks the ability to glide from one's tongue, instead content to project itself out as a guttural expulsion of air. It twists in one's larynx, and finishes -- to an American, anyway -- in an almost lame fashion. Even written, it lacks the elegance and poise of some other words in the English language. Power is an ugly word.

Yet in some of its incarnations, Power defines something most men desire. Here, despite outer appearance, Power becomes beautiful. To some, it is wanted more than the trappings of the flesh. Such men toil their entire lives for but a glimpse, slavering at each turn with the hopes that it will be within their grasp. Most pass from this earth having never felt her embrace.

She stands above the world, bearing mute witness to the atrocities committed through love for her. She stands unflinching as men place their names before hers, put their identity to her machinations. And still she sees fit to gently caress some of those who come to court her, knowing full well that men who approach her willingly are not to be trusted with her gift. Yet it is not Power's place to judge, and even if it is she cares nothing for it, preferring to allow mortals to sort themselves out as she spins her web.

Even with all her ugliness and beauty, Power is a harsh mistress. She is exacting and cruel, happy to cut men down and complicate their petty plans whenever she deems fit. Yet she is not without mercy. She knows how seductive her touch is, that men will destroy everything they might hold dear for one fleeting moment with her. Thus, she grants men leave men to slough off the hardship of mortality by removing her hand from one's back, silencing their struggle forever.

If it seems as though I deify Power, it may be that I, too, worship her every breath. I desire her embrace, to feel the back of her hand stroke my cheek -- yet I fear it. History has shown what men marked by Power are capable of, and I often wonder if I am strong enough to feel her love and remain steadfast and true where so many others have failed. She haunts my every dream, tantalizing me with a brief glimpse of her sweet form, whispering, "You can be great." Such seduction, I am convinced, is not felt by all. But that is for another day.

Power has marked me for my desire of her, as she has marked so many others. Upon one marked as such she writes the truth, scribbling across one's eyes,"this is my suitor," so that all men will know our intent -- for the want of Power is, to some, an evil, and she would see us humbled for the arrogance we show in thinking we might dance with her.

Even so, I continue to lay roses at her doorstep.

Theism vs. Anti-theism

Atheism is a huge trend in the 21st century. People like Richard Dawkins make money hand over fist writing about the phenomenon and tearing down the structure Christians have put in place and jealously guarded. As a movement, Atheism has roots dating back hundreds of years, but only recently has it gained power, and little wonder! Christianity has been a world power for thousands of years, and despite its profession of love and peace, there is little love and peace amongst its followers.

Yes, Christianity seems to bring out the worst in people. But why is there such ugliness and bigotry in a religion founded upon the teachings of a supposedly good and holy man? It may have something to do with the rejection of human nature Christianity puts forth. Most of what Christianity calls sins are acts and thoughts human beings have been doing and thinking since time immemorial. To reject this is to cause needless strife.

It seems as though atheists have a particular bone to pick with Christianity, and many I've encountered fail to realize there are other religions that have nothing to do with the Abrahamic god. Worse, they mislabel and misunderstand neo-paganism as much as most fluffy bunny middle-aged housewives. To be fair, many atheists could be properly labeled anti-theists, not because they reject the belief in a deity, but because they actively assail the belief in a deity.

Atheists and anti-theists have the tendency to rebel against the dogma of most of Christianity's followers by saying "you can't push your beliefs on me", and while some are well-intentioned, many go on the attack and denounce theist beliefs as bad for the world, or outdated and outmoded methodologies. The very freedom to believe they claim to defend seems to only pertain, in their minds, to their fellow atheists, as evidenced by the poison dripping in their words when viewing theistic beliefs.

There is no doubt about it: theism is under attack, and Christianity is to blame. Many atheists were raised, or are being raised, in a pious Christian household, and their experiences were almost universally negative. Small wonder, then, that they'd be so aggressive in speaking out against the beliefs that were being pushed on them by their family. But are their attacks on theism justifiable? I don't believe so.

Given that the main offender seems to be Christianity, why are atheists so gung-ho to say that *all* religion is bad? Are they truly so knowledgeable that they can paint theism with such broad strokes? I have no qualms with hypothesizing, likely accurately, that most atheists have no such experience; neo-paganism is itself such a large umbrella that it's nearly impossible to say that all religion is equally as bad as Christianity.

It is true that many Christians denounce science, logic, and much more. It is true that people like Rick Santorum exist. However, Christians and Rick Santorum do not accurately represent every human being with religious beliefs. Not every individual with religious or spiritual beliefs is going to reject science and  logic in favor of nonsensical dogma. Intelligent, reasonable, science-loving theists do exist!

Hello, I am a hard polytheist. I have a love of psychology, I am pro-choice, I have no issues with homosexuals, transsexuals, or transgendered individuals,  I enjoy a good argument, and I do not depend on prayer (a largely Christian concept) to magically or mystically get things done. I do not believe that earth is actually made out of the corpse of a celestial giant, and I do not believe the first man and woman were made from driftwood found on a beach. Creation myths are called myths for a reason.

Some may find it strange that reason and religion can go hand in hand, yet I can safely say I manage it just fine. I've surprised a good number of people by speaking of science and the like and then mentioning the fact that I am a hard polytheist. Is it so odd? Am I less of a person?

This is not a defense of Christianity, mind you. Christianity and its followers have a lot to atone for, especially in the eyes of fellow theists. But to say that all religion and theism is bad simply because Christianity has made a lot of mistakes is just as illogical as Christians stating that homosexuality is a sin by quoting Leviticus.

Atheists are capable of as much bigotry and blind hatred as any member of Christianity, and they are just as apt to wield it against others. That atheists attack and denounce Christian belief as dumb and illogical is evidence of this, and the attacks against theism in general show that not all atheists understand everything about every religion and prefer to paint with broad strokes - exactly what they accuse Christians of doing.

If you don't believe in deities, that's fine! There are atheistic religions, too! Believe what you want; I could care less. But don't tell me that my belief in multiple deities is bad-wrong simply because you had a bad experience with an entirely unrelated religion. It doesn't make you cool, it doesn't make you smart, and it doesn't make you a better person. What it does make you is an ignorant jackass, and looking at the majority of Christians in America, we have enough of those.

Don't be an ignorant, atheistic jackass. Not all theists hate you and want to kill your children.

For fuck's sake, people.

Disobedience

Now and then it feels as though I am going to lose my mind. Not by choice, mind you; I'm not sure anyone willfully loses any semblance of mental health, and if they do they are likely already in a padded room. The world has a habit of baring down on us, and it would strangle the lot of us if it had the chance. In truth, it's strangled quite a few of us already; just look at the number of suicides per year. It's staggering what happens to us when we feel we are out of air, even if we're breathing one-hundred percent oxygen.

What do we do to cope? Some of us abuse substances, some of us lose ourselves in fantasy worlds, and even more of us are stuffing our noses into fancy cell phones in an attempt to ignore the horrors about us. Who can blame us, really? The world is scary, especially when one has been brought up in abundance and safety. It is hard to imagine scarcity and danger, even when it knocks on one's door. So we turn to our vices, stick our entire beings into something impersonal, and put our brains on autopilot in an effort to strain the noise out from the signal.

If you are able to do these things, I both dislike and am envious of you. It must be nice to forget oneself and the world around, to be in tune with absolutely nothing other than one's own selfishness, to suffer only when one wishes to. It must be nice to be able to stick one's fingers in one's ears and pretend the monsters don't exist.

I am unable to do these things, try as I might. My mind does not know silence; it is always active in one form or another, pointing things out and coming to conclusions. It keeps me awake at night, whispering doom in such a fashion that I am unable to ignore. This is all poetical imagery, of course; all of this is done by my own volition as there is no way for my mind to speak on its own. If there was, I would be seeking help.

What I mean is that substances, fantasy, or going on autopilot are options for coping that I do not and never have had. I see the world around me, feel it under my feet, the stink invades my nostrils. The world I experience is capable of overwhelming the senses, and not always in a pleasant way. It's been hard to deal with.

Feeling helpless is not something I've ever been suited for - sitting around and feeling bad only makes me angry. I've never really been one to simply take what is thrown my way. While I may show quiet resignation from time to time, at the very least I am plotting vengeance, at the most I am happily and loudly throwing it away. It's enough to say that I'm taking quite a lot of time to say that I do not shy from confrontation when I feel endangered. I've always felt that sets me apart in some ways; despite what we may say to sound tough, many of us become passive-aggressive because we fear retaliation.

So what happens to me? I get angry, to the point where I feel as though I am aflame and shaking with a berserker's rage. I choose to do so, as the only other alternative for me is to allow myself to be beaten down. Fighting back is in my blood, and I'll never tire of it so long as I exist within a world I can neither agree with nor remove myself from.

How do I cope?

I disobey.